This photo was taken a year ago…June 24th with my precious cousin Karen and her little girl Elli, a.k.a. “lollipop”…

My other cousin Syn-d, Karen’s sister, snapped this moment with her phone while we waited for our breakfast that summer morning in that little Destin diner.   ~   I never knew this would be our last trip together…our last few precious moments together. Our last laughs, our last goodbyes.  My heart was broken when my dad with trembling lip and tear filled eyes, clinging to my sorrowful mom, shared the tragic news with me that my precious cousin Karen had fallen while rock climbing in west Virginia. I have been told that she instantly went to be with the Lord, after her 60 ft. fall on June 12, 2010.

The news media reported the story on the local stations and in the papers.  Our family created a facebook group in her memory, with links to all of the articles and news report.  To her honor over 400 of her friends and family have joined and journaled their memories of how her life touched them in some way.

~

Last year, we spent a week at SanDestin Beach Resort with the cuzins and the kids on our traditional family vacation…

Moments that seemed so fleeting and non-momentous, even silly perhaps, are now precious stones of remembrance that my heart will embrace forever…

That week at the beach we celebrated Karen’s 33rd birthday on the June 23rd eating out @ her requested place…PF Chengs.

The day after we came home from the beach, June 25th was my 30th B’day.    Syn-D cooked my favorite tex mex meal that night at our grandma’s house, chicken fajitas, delicious homemade guacamole and salsa!

Karen and the kids went out that afternoon and surprised me with princess party decorations and princess bling! Elli was quick to pull me over to the table she had prepared with all the pink bling bling jewelry, which she so fashionably bejeweled me with.  She was so serious and sweet in those moments treating me on my birthday.

We all put a few rings on our fingers and played a fun round of pin the tail on the donkey. It was one grand party!

This particular shared birthday moment I  celebrated with my cousin Karen, I will now cherish forever.   We both opened presents and cards from the family that night after dinner.  And we caught a round of those infectious silly southern giggles with our pink bling during gift time!

I’m missing her more each passing day.  For some reason during the afternoon setting sun I think about her the most.  Thoughts abound of her family, her children, the life left behind, and her glorious new life in heaven – which most of all gives me hope.

My life will forever be marked from this point on, like a stone of remembrance, a book mark or pause that awakened my soul to a newness of celebrating small moments and insignificant pleasures…a phone call, a letter, a text or an email.  Our relationships and our love have greater meaning to me than ever before, they are more beautiful and special. They are now more worthy of celebration and worthy of experiencing.

My heart is stirred to a new level of comprehending as I embrace the true value of life and our moments together.   A piece of my  heart was torn apart as she was torn from earth that day.  But as my brother David so poignantly stated, “she may have fallen on earth, but she stood up in heaven.”

I watched Karen’s six year old daughter Ellianna, leave the funeral home after saying goodbye to her mommy.  She held her little best friends hand as they walked toward the car, her best friend sobbing and weeping over the understanding of loosing her “Auntie Karen.”   Sweet Elli, in the form and spirit of her mommy, took her friend by the hand, embraced her and whispered to her, “It’s going to be all right.” Those words pierced my heart as if Karen were holding my hand and speaking them herself. “It’s going to be all right.” I don’t know how, or when, but I know that’s what Karen would be saying right now if she could embrace us and show us the eternal glory.

I will miss my angel-cousin Karen, every part of her, she is so beautiful and I love her deeply.  This is one of the songs I had the privilege of singing at her memorial service.  The words truly reflected our heart to the Lord and her beautiful life.

*Please pray for Karen’s family (the Feher’s), her parents (the Esterlines), her sister, her brother and the community of friends and family that are grieving during this loss.

Do you ever have brain freezes over a single word?  A word that makes you ponder amazingly deep and profound ideas?  It’s the power of a word.  The momentum, the possibility of a verb, a noun, an adjective.

My recent juncture found me deep in thought over a single noun:  ”Ambassador.”

Ambassador.  The dictionary grips my heart and translates this moment best with part three and four, of it’s definition:

3. An authorized messenger or representative.
4. An unofficial representative, “an ambassador of goodwill.“

Many adjectives come to mind when I heard this word in my heart. “Brand” Ambassador - as mentioned on my favorite reality show, Celebrity Apprentice by the hunky chef Curtis Stone.

We even have “National Ambassadors” given to the heads of nations.

When my parents were growing up, their youth were called C.A’s for “Christ’s Ambassadors”. If they were here reading this article, they would be lifting their hands in the air with hippy movement, singing a song that sounds like “Kumbaya’s” cousin.

When I was growing up, my Strawberry Shortcake sleeping bag accompanied me each summer to “Camp Ambassador.” We didn’t have a special song, but we did sing and have a competition for ‘Camp Queen.’ And I humbly wore the “runner up” title to my friend, Haley “future Miss America contestant” Spates…who at age make-me-sick-seven could sing perfectly like Sandi Patti. Ahhh, not bitter, nope not one bit. (haha! Haley is a dear friend, even still today, which makes our memories even sweeter!) Our election speeches were given on the back of a big old camp bus, called “The Glory Land Express.” Mine went something like this, “Hi my name is Jennifer, I’m from cabin number seven, if you vote for me, you’ll go to Heaven.” The little preacher even in 5th grade – guess you can see why “Sandi” won the crown that summer!

So this idea. Ambassador. Pounding in my heart. I responded as usual. Scribbled the word out on a 3×5 index card and jabbed it to a bulletin board for some pondering. My thoughts immediately went to charity, evangelism, missions and discipleship, which I sub-jotted below the giant word with my fine tip sharpie. A month later I realize why this blog has been in “draft mode” since April 17th. God has been preparing me for something greater than my own human mind could surmise as a meaning for that simple index card. He has opened the door wide for me to become what I can only imagine to be the greatest type of ambassador possible, a “Prayer Ambassador.”

Three weeks ago today, on May 11th, a journey began for me that has truly “renewed a right spirit in me.”   The Lord simply asked me to launch a “call to prayer” and start a facebook group for a friend in my church who was having severe post childbirth complications, which developed into a blood disorder. She is still in the hospital. Her baby girl, who’s name is ‘Journey’ is out of the hospital doing wonderful! My friend however is still in need of a miracle. I was not sure who would join me in the prayer initiative, if any. Honestly, it felt like a crazy irrational, emotional idea but I pushed through that great wall of doubt and on Tuesday night at 7pm, the invitation opened and I sat hoping for “one or at least, God, please let there be two” who would join me! I literally started sweating and hoping for people to join me in this “if my people” type of cause. I’m super excited to say three weeks today, we have over two thousand who have joined our “little prayer group.” Look what God can do! Nothing less than a perfect miracle, and His amazing Glory working though us!

All God asks is for obedient hearts, and in return there are blessings beyond measure! We think we have to be the ones to bring the “measure” – but we are so wrong. We could NEVER accomplish His Measure! Not even if we tried. I have been overwhelmed by how much God can do with so little. What is the “little” that God is asking of you? The little whisper, the little thought? The one that seems so insignificant, that would surely be idiotic or crazy or worse…unimportant? Trust today my friend, that God is looking for those things…not our twelve hours of labor and sacrifice, he wants the small and insignificant things, so he can prove to us His Might, His Worth, and His Glory — through us.