Searching for a love like no other,

in a world full of many trials and choices,

this heart had wondered far too long and nearly lost the race.

Once again hoping to find the one who would journey along side

to the endless depths of my tomorrow,

knowing the prize ahead, and promise from before,

I accepted God’s unfathomable grace.

A stolen song had been returned,

many ageless scars had been made new

when I released my heart to the Fathers eternal trust and care.

He simply said ‘wait’ and sent his peace;

my heart had found its resting place

and from there I began to discover the fullness of living.

Not knowing all along,

God’s perfect timing had began to appear.

He took me to the point of needing only Him,

for my future was trusted to his keeping.

There were nights still I wept for longing,

I prayed for patience when He showed me once again

that I simply needed to wait.

It was in that waiting of many nights and days

that I found my place of perfect peace and true surrender

in the Master’s plan.

As silent as a whisper and as perfect as the rain,

the waiting was over and the journey began

with the one who is now holding my hand.

His faithfulness and patience resemble that of Christ.

His loving arms and warm embrace show me each day

how deeply Christ loves his church.

I never knew the many ways of this perfect three chord love,

for I had only held the untrue fame of belonging without Love.

This love will stand the test of time,

this love will never fail.

The test of patience,

the test of trust,

in due time have revealed

that Love outlast the greatest pleasure

the world will ever fill.

written:  4.17.07

Epilogue: I began this piece sometime in the fall of 2003. It was edited and added to a word document April 29, 2004. Tonight April 17, 2007, I completed the last few paragraphs to give closure to “This Heart.” It began in my heart as a confirmation to my love for Keith and the total trust that had been developing in my heart for him. Keith and I had been dating for just a few months when I wrote this piece. I had been broken and unloved so many times before, that I was not able to trust my heart or any one else again. I had fallen in love with him and I knew that my heart was totally beginning to trust him and I became afraid of being hurt. I was in his office one night praying for him and our life together. I remember he was at the church setting up working. In my time with the Lord, praying for our future and knowing the Love I had in my heart for Keith, the Lord showed me a strong vision of a church and the powerful role Christ plays with his Bride. He impressed upon my heart his total unwavering love that he pours upon His church and the oneness that we are in Christ. He then ‘proved’ to me that Keith loves me like no other man has ever loved me before because God had planted a love for ME inside of him – the kind that He gives to men – to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and Keith now possessed that for me. I knew that this kind of Love was pure and knew God had confirmed in me to trust him as the Church should trust Christ.

• written 4.12.07 -

This is my handsome, awesome, preacher, husband Keith!  He makes married life truly spectacular.  I love the view from this side of life – the side that walks hand in hand with him.  My husband amazes me each day and I love how God brings us closer by drawing us closer to Him.  We’ve been waiting for that “terrible” first year or beginning pains, but have not seemed to find them.    Sure, we are not perfect, in fact I believe our strongest point is that we are totally opposite!  The cheesy early 90’s way of Jerry Maguire “You complete me” comes to mind.  So, of course we are not the Cleavers or even Jerry Maguire and Dorothy Boyd. We have our rainy days now and then but the days “on the beach” make it all worth it!  More than anything we are learning from each other and learning to grow together.
Someone asked me at a company dinner what was my favorite part of being married?  In the midst of my co-workers getting drunk and people I would rather not share the intimate parts of my heart with…she asked me this. I tried to ignore her hoping with this “5th” glass of wine she would believe that I just didn’t hear her…but she persisted.  Now yelling, “JENNIFER!  What is your favorite part of being married??”   As the 10 other people at my table stopped to listen, I finally leaned in to her and said quietly to get her attention “Do you really want to know???”  At this point – everyone was joking and had lowered their glasses just for a moment to overhear some juicy bit of information they could hold over my head and talk about the next day in the office.  She quickly responded with intent, still loudly, “YES, please tell us.”  I leaned in and shared my deepest thoughts with her in the midst of that moment…..“My favorite part of being married is the spiritual bond that my husband and I share.  We pray together and love each other more and more as we get closer and closer to God’s heart.  It’s an amazing thing to love him with my thoughts and words and actions, but nothing compares to the way we connect spiritually.”  At that moment I saw in her eyes what the Lord wanted me to see:  emptiness.  I had been too sober with judgment to truly see the state of her soul.  But God saw it and he allowed me to see in her eyes a glimpse of what unbelievers often refer to as “that missing piece” inside of them.
I know that spiritual emptiness is the missing piece in the puzzle over the staggering 50% divorce rate statistic.  Drawing closer to God draws me closer to my husband!
I tested God with this in the beginning of our marriage.  When I was conflicted with that dreaded fear of becoming like that nagging wife mentioned in the bible who sends her husband to the roof! All of her constant nagging drives one of them up there and I didn’t want to be her!!  So I said, “Ok God!  I’m not going to mention this one ‘little’ thing that is REALLY big to me any more to him…I’m leaving this one up to you.”  The Lords words are always like static shock to my soul, profound and deep.  He said like a best friend would say, “And I long for you to do this ‘little’ thing, that is really big to me, Unto Me.  Love me as you would want Keith to love you.”  I had to confess that day, God you are right I have not loved you the way I long to be loved.  Whether it’s actions, words, touch or time – God wants us to express our love to him they way we long to be loved.  “In all things, do it as unto the Lord.”
I could leave the story there, but I will share my ‘deepest thoughts in the midst of this moment’ also. Immediately after I confessed to the Lord, I took every breathing opportunity to Love on Jesus.  Opening the door, walking down the street, buying groceries, my heart was filled with a new love for my Best Friend.  Only three hours later, my husband, totally contrary to his previous course, did for me exactly what I had been LOVING God for!  I teared up and simply said, “Thank you baby!” and in my heart, I said ‘Wow, Thank you Jesus for teaching me this powerful lesson today.”
One thing the Lord has been showing me lately is in His word, Psalm 133:1 How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
2 It is like precious oil poured on the head,?running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down upon the collar of his robes

This passage David describes one of his songs of “ascent” – I just noticed that tonight.  I’ve been thinking the Lord would want me to focus on the oil, because I am consumed with a passion for his anointing, but I believe He is revealing to me the deeper truth to that precious oil – it begins with “UNITY.”  When we are united together in Christ, the three of us as one strand, we can conquer mountains!  David said it right there in the title or theme of this song ‘ASCENTS’……..meaning: going up, growing up, getting stronger, building bigger, becoming greater, more powerful, more full, more anointed, more loving, more dedicated, more diligent, more truthful, going higher, further faster….
Notice that monstrous word there is plural, meaning you have to do it over and over and over again, never stopping, never going back!
TODAY:  I will love my husband more than yesterday, uniting together, bound by God’s chords of love that will never be broken. -  I love you baby!  Thank you for reading my thoughts on here every day and always loving me with words and leaving me comments.  I know that we are going higher and are climbing to our mountain top together; I can’t wait to breathe in the view with you!

written 4.7.07 – 2AM

The wind blows across our face and beckons us into the deep

Some move with swift intent, others warn and question-

The journey is far and fast and wide, much to our hearts surprise

We were made with the breath to sustain the distance

We were made with the hope and the promise of dawn

Will we run the race and raise the sails of our journey so steep?

Will we cower behind the shadow of sleep until the wind is faint and still?

How do we know what tomorrow holds?

How do we know if the wind is sure?

All we can do is watch those around us with wind in their hair

Their sails set high, courageously passing us by.

Once we rode the sea of adventure,

Once we held onto its spontaneous embrace.

We flew together, the wind and I, as we glided across the midnight sky.

The stars shown bright that night, each one brilliant and close –

Flying across the ocean deep

A destination to behold of once mere childhood dreams

Now finally, walking upon this land where ancient stories linger

A smile, the smell, permanent photographs upon the heart

- The wind is now in my hair

As swiftly as the stars appeared over the journey so great,

The dawn drew in the final tears and silent memories of late

The wind once blew upon my face, but now it’s faint and still.

Will I run the race and raise my sails in another journey so steep?

Or will I cower behind the shadow of sleep, and watch it pass me by?

- The wind is blowing upon my face.

Epilogue:

Tonight I’m up late, again, not sleeping. It’s been almost a year since the spark of creative writing has flowed thru my fingers. When I write in poetry or free style I feel connected and alive. I know this is only the work of the Holy Spirit igniting the spark of anointed arts inside me and that is where I am most complete. I was finishing up another late Saturday night preparing worship and sending out some last minute emails thru myspace. I saw a picture of a girl I went to South Africa with, nearly 7 years ago. The moments I spent in SA are etched on my heart forever, like a tree scared with the hearts of two young lovers. The etching will always be there I believe – with the smiles, the beautiful faces, the smells, the tastes and the sounds of that place continuously beating thru my soul. I remember flying to South Africa across the midnight sky; the 18 hour journey seemed like one second. The stars were beautiful as I looked out across the ocean somewhere. I was standing in the cockpit, as the captain of that SAA aircraft gave me a tour of the stars – something I will never be able to do again commercially. I remember the very first steps I took onto the ramp in South Africa, it was very surreal, like a slow motion movie. It was something I had been dreaming of for years. Some days, when I smell chaffer dishes or certain kerosene’s I see the pictures of the faces in my heart and I can feel their dark little hands reaching out to touch my ivory skin. Right now, I know I’m not in position for that wind to sail me back. But in my dreams I’m already there and in my heart I have a buried treasure full of memories.

I saw of my one of my African travel companions tonight that captured the very essence of a powerful woman, a woman who follows the wind, and is ready to run with any movement of the Holy Spirit. She was standing somewhere in India with the most beautiful calm on her face, in only one of her many experiences ministering around the world. I’ve watched her for the past few years and I am amazed by her adventures and her passion for God. She has traveled thru Europe, Dominican, many other countries and now India. Tonight I am inspired by her passion and her journey….the journey….all of our journeys…