Given my previous lack of skills in the kitchen, this moment was truly an amazing feat for me.  I have kitchen stories from the early days of our marriage that we won’t even speak of…there are jello disasters and dish rags full of tears from the trials and “terrors” of my efforts with Mr. Uncle Ben…moments that had prevented me from even opening the cabinets, forcing me to accept my fate as a future drive-thru mom.

However, I am blessed with a heritage of heroic Godly women, and also of great southern cooks.  Dinner is traditionally more than just a meal, it’s a moment.  My mom and grandmother, and their mothers, made sure of that.  We eat at the prepared table, and we eat together, when it’s just ready.  There’s a call to wash up, then the call to “gather round.”

After the rounding, we “gather” hands and pray.  Each one has their own favorite words, “Dear Lord,”  ”Dear Heavenly Father,” “Thank you Jesus.”   But there is one that phrase resounds at the end of every prayer.  You can almost feel it coming, the breathing pause, and then these precious words, “…and bless the hands that prepared it.”

I’ve never really given a second thought to why we prayed this.   Gathering over our meal that night, I hear my grandmother praying the family blessing over my hands.  That moment awakened me to the secret of how, and why my favorite women have been so richly gifted with great cooking hands.  It’s not the special cast iron skillet, its not from her special spoon or pan, or even the particular brand names she favors, but rather from the many gathered hands simply asking God to “bless them.”

Now, the more I cook, the more I hear someone blessing me, helping me move a step further into this rich heritage.

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”               — Mother Teresa.

The bible says, “In all things we are more than conquerers…” Rom 8:37

~What things do you need God to help you make great?

No. Instead we float.  Like Bubbles.  Our life  seems to glisten and shine floating individually, to the pattern and rhythm of our own beautiful micro-world.  Our safe space. The place where where we imagine nothing can happen to us, as long as we are floating.

Bubbles.

As I washed my dishes Friday afternoon, on my 31st birthday, having just returned from a week away to Virgina for my precious cousins funeral, I found myself pondering those vanishing bubbles in my sink.  Also, mulling over my afternoon spent making phone calls and getting quotes for “grown up stuff” a.k.a. life insurance, better vehicle coverage, medical insurance, etc.  I made a round of calls pursuing things I have avoided and never really gave a second thought to…until now.  Because life, for me, has seemed to exist as a series of moments, floating from one dance to the next.

Just like those bubbles disappearing in my sink, my perfectly pleasant bubble instantly burst on June 12th when I received news that my 33 year old cousin – a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a mother to two little children had tragically died in a climbing accident.  No one wants to believe it will ever happen to them or to their family.

I am guilty as charged for portraying the grotesque role of false empathy.  A pat on the back, a hug, a simple “I’m so sorry,” or “Ohhh, that’s tough.”  A card, an email, maybe even a prayer or two.  But secretly in my shiny bubble world, moving away as quickly as possible as to not interfere or collide into a world of pain or sorrow. Because it’s not my world and it’s not my problem, my heart is sadly relieved that it’s not me wearing their shoes.  And only moments later moving along and floating once again.

For years, I have boycotted the news.  I avoid hearing the tragic stories. My ignorance has been my bliss.  It’s been my safe place.  But I have now awakened to a realization during this season that as a Christian, that ignorance is not truely bliss.  It’s simply one of the nasty offspring’s of fear….denial.   My ignorance is unintentionally denial.  Living in fear, is not from the Lord, neither is living in denial.  I’m realizing this now, and principles from the Word are leaping from my heart as reminders of how I can move forward:

My confidence in this confession only comes from recent conversations of friends who share the bubble life with me.  We say it doesn’t matter that we don’t call each other during life’s trials and celebrations, because we “know” we love each  other.  Every year when I flip over the December calendar, I renew an age old promise that ‘this’ will be the year that I celebrate my friends and loved ones special days…but the calendar rolls on, and I continue to float.

Moving beyond this tragedy, time has been an epic enemy.  It’s like the further time moves beyond the moment of our loss, the more our life exists without our beloved. However, this challenge of passing time has given me a newness for living life beyond the floating bubble.  I’m learning to richly soak in each hug, to notice every tear and to embrace even the smallest of treasures, for they are fleeting and priceless.

My recent juncture found me deep in thought over a single noun:  ”Ambassador.”

Ambassador.  The dictionary grips my heart and translates this moment best with part three and four, of it’s definition:

3. An authorized messenger or representative.
4. An unofficial representative, “an ambassador of goodwill.“

Many adjectives come to mind when I heard this word in my heart. “Brand” Ambassador - as mentioned on my favorite reality show, Celebrity Apprentice by the hunky chef Curtis Stone.

We even have “National Ambassadors” given to the heads of nations.

When my parents were growing up, their youth were called C.A’s for “Christ’s Ambassadors”. If they were here reading this article, they would be lifting their hands in the air with hippy movement, singing a song that sounds like “Kumbaya’s” cousin.

When I was growing up, my Strawberry Shortcake sleeping bag accompanied me each summer to “Camp Ambassador.” We didn’t have a special song, but we did sing and have a competition for ‘Camp Queen.’ And I humbly wore the “runner up” title to my friend, Haley “future Miss America contestant” Spates…who at age make-me-sick-seven could sing perfectly like Sandi Patti. Ahhh, not bitter, nope not one bit. (haha! Haley is a dear friend, even still today, which makes our memories even sweeter!) Our election speeches were given on the back of a big old camp bus, called “The Glory Land Express.” Mine went something like this, “Hi my name is Jennifer, I’m from cabin number seven, if you vote for me, you’ll go to Heaven.” The little preacher even in 5th grade – guess you can see why “Sandi” won the crown that summer!

So this idea. Ambassador. Pounding in my heart. I responded as usual. Scribbled the word out on a 3×5 index card and jabbed it to a bulletin board for some pondering. My thoughts immediately went to charity, evangelism, missions and discipleship, which I sub-jotted below the giant word with my fine tip sharpie. A month later I realize why this blog has been in “draft mode” since April 17th. God has been preparing me for something greater than my own human mind could surmise as a meaning for that simple index card. He has opened the door wide for me to become what I can only imagine to be the greatest type of ambassador possible, a “Prayer Ambassador.”

Three weeks ago today, on May 11th, a journey began for me that has truly “renewed a right spirit in me.”   The Lord simply asked me to launch a “call to prayer” and start a facebook group for a friend in my church who was having severe post childbirth complications, which developed into a blood disorder. She is still in the hospital. Her baby girl, who’s name is ‘Journey’ is out of the hospital doing wonderful! My friend however is still in need of a miracle. I was not sure who would join me in the prayer initiative, if any. Honestly, it felt like a crazy irrational, emotional idea but I pushed through that great wall of doubt and on Tuesday night at 7pm, the invitation opened and I sat hoping for “one or at least, God, please let there be two” who would join me! I literally started sweating and hoping for people to join me in this “if my people” type of cause. I’m super excited to say three weeks today, we have over two thousand who have joined our “little prayer group.” Look what God can do! Nothing less than a perfect miracle, and His amazing Glory working though us!

All God asks is for obedient hearts, and in return there are blessings beyond measure! We think we have to be the ones to bring the “measure” – but we are so wrong. We could NEVER accomplish His Measure! Not even if we tried. I have been overwhelmed by how much God can do with so little. What is the “little” that God is asking of you? The little whisper, the little thought? The one that seems so insignificant, that would surely be idiotic or crazy or worse…unimportant? Trust today my friend, that God is looking for those things…not our twelve hours of labor and sacrifice, he wants the small and insignificant things, so he can prove to us His Might, His Worth, and His Glory — through us.

It’s been on the “I’ll get around to it someday” list. And someday just happened to stumble my way recently. This series has, for me, been one of those epiphany, life-altering type moments. If you are looking to step up your life, this leadership principle will get you there. It’s called the Rule of Five, as taught from leadership guru, John Maxell, to help you obtain success, by mastering simple steps today. Pastor Hodges, bases the series on a Proverbs that says, “an intelligent man aims at wise actions…but the fool starts off in many different directions.”

He also advised FIVE seekers to take the ‘30 Days to Live’ TEST. If you had 30 days to live…what would you do?

“Teach us to number our days
and recognize how few they are;
help us to spend them as we should.”

John Maxwell’s five:
-Read
-File
-Think
-Ask Questions
-Write

Pastor Chris Hodges five:
-Spending time with God
-Spend time with Spouse
-Spend time with Family
-Lead (Think, Communicate, Lead, Minister – Who did I touch today?)
-Take Care of Me.

My Five?
Still a work in progress. But having five seems to take the pressure off the list of 500 that I try to fit into my life. Clearly defining who we are in life, can happen with five simple, easy, daily routines. I like how Pastor Chris said it, “actions do not necessarily mean accomplishment.” I will have to apply that one from now on.

For instance…/em>
Eating Oreo’s and watching Biggest looser. (check)

Putting the last bag from Target into the trunk of the car, while talking about debt reduction (check, check, check!)

So the millionaire man and I found ourselves in the kitchen around 2 am this weekend…after sleeping for oh 2 hours, we both had one of those weird, I’m changing my sleep habits and were starving for bacon and eggs moments. To which he whipped up the meal of the century while I watched from the couch. Ahhh. Good times. K- so anyway. We started small chatting about what woke us up in the first place. I started thinking back and said, well, I never really went to sleep, I just kept laying there thinking, thinking, thinking…at first it was about the previous day, then it was about the next day, then it was about next week. The action plan of life kept playing out on the stage in my brain. But my biggest – most daring thought is my deep down desire to get over this weight issue, once and for all.

Many of my more noble female counterparts are out smokin’ that scale, in Weightlossville. They are actually successful, changing their lives and accomplishing goals. Actually making it happen, instead of talking about when it’s “going” to happen.

So. Here we are, 2 a.m, in my ironic moment, enjoying the most delicious sandwich. Bacon, cheese and yes, fried egg with just a tiny bit of mayo, smashed together between a fresh toasted sesame seed bun! mmmmm…it was soo good. And when the sandwich is not enough, I dig out the Doritos, the mother-of-all-taste-buds bag, and dig into a few rounds of cheesy fingers. And I’m telling my sexy chef just how irritated I am with myself for my current reading on the big mean fat scale. And I really need him to fly Jillian Michaels out here on our jet to come kick my big butt all over the gym. I mean what’s it going to take? As I dip in for my round two, I tell him, with orange crumbles falling onto my pink robe, how I JUST heard Dave Ramsey say that “you have to get a healthy disgust with your situation in order to start making changes.” And the chat turned hysterical as he looked at me as I’m gazing lovingly with doe shaped eyes back into my delectable bag of Doritos, and simply says with his perfect used to wear braces smile, “Baby! You are eating chips straight out of the bag, honey, I think the first step might be to simply start now.” Ok, 2 more chips, and then we are done…forever…ok, maybe 3, no 4. OK, that’s IT!!!

The January first, new year, new me day has come and gone. So this weekend, I decided to take my rich mans advice and simply start now, after all it’s the first of February and who says I can’t start now? It’s baby steps people!