Given my previous lack of skills in the kitchen, this moment was truly an amazing feat for me.  I have kitchen stories from the early days of our marriage that we won’t even speak of…there are jello disasters and dish rags full of tears from the trials and “terrors” of my efforts with Mr. Uncle Ben…moments that had prevented me from even opening the cabinets, forcing me to accept my fate as a future drive-thru mom.

However, I am blessed with a heritage of heroic Godly women, and also of great southern cooks.  Dinner is traditionally more than just a meal, it’s a moment.  My mom and grandmother, and their mothers, made sure of that.  We eat at the prepared table, and we eat together, when it’s just ready.  There’s a call to wash up, then the call to “gather round.”

After the rounding, we “gather” hands and pray.  Each one has their own favorite words, “Dear Lord,”  ”Dear Heavenly Father,” “Thank you Jesus.”   But there is one that phrase resounds at the end of every prayer.  You can almost feel it coming, the breathing pause, and then these precious words, “…and bless the hands that prepared it.”

I’ve never really given a second thought to why we prayed this.   Gathering over our meal that night, I hear my grandmother praying the family blessing over my hands.  That moment awakened me to the secret of how, and why my favorite women have been so richly gifted with great cooking hands.  It’s not the special cast iron skillet, its not from her special spoon or pan, or even the particular brand names she favors, but rather from the many gathered hands simply asking God to “bless them.”

Now, the more I cook, the more I hear someone blessing me, helping me move a step further into this rich heritage.

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”               — Mother Teresa.

The bible says, “In all things we are more than conquerers…” Rom 8:37

~What things do you need God to help you make great?

It’s been a while since we’ve all been together. Our nieces and nephews are really growing up, two of them are teenagers now.  Keith’s mom Gloria, made about a dozen pies.  And of course, I had to have a slice of each one. On Sunday morning before church, I got a cup of coffee and pulled out a slice of her famous blueberry pie.  I told her I had to work out the schedule so I can be sure to get a taste of all of them before I leave!

Some of the cousins from Lousiana, with their cute girls, who I have not yet met, came over on Sunday, and it was so nice catching up.

Each summer, when we visit I try to take time with the kids and go out in the yard and have a “photo shoot.”

My oldest niece being the teenager, is now “too old” for this, but I snagged one anyway on Sunday…so beautiful…I can’t believe she’ll be going into high school this year….Oh, the “teen” years…

The younger kids soaked it up, and really got involved in our fun time.  Especially my oldest nephew, he is always up for an adventure with “Aunt Jenn” -

{Bare feet, are one of life’s best things}

Keith’s brother smoked a turkey and a boston butt (yes, a butt! and a big one too!) and Gloria made a ton of veggies, fresh out of their beautiful garden.

Paw-Paw or “Uncle Earl” brought out the watermelon, another southern favorite summer moment…

…this made all the kids super happy!

{my favorite photo of the summer}

After teaching these innocent babies how to have a “watermelon seed spittin’ contest” – I sent them back to their mom to show off their new skill. LOL.

These are truly “Happy” days, worth celebrating.

{Photos via, Hudson July 4th}

Ahhh…all this gekko chasing now has me thinking about abour car insurance, LOL! ~

Two weeks later on Sunday evening, May 30th, Frankie brought her six adorable baby kittens to live at their new home!  We estimate they were born sometime around Mothers Day this year.

They are just adorable, and best of all Keith and I adopted our first lil’ baby from this little bunch.

She’s a calico, we named “Mille.”  My Aunt Gloria helped me pick the name for her when she visited early in June.  We talked about how much Karen would love to see all these kittens on their visit in July.  My cousin loved cats, and owned two of them.  I know Karen would have enjoyed hearing about my saga with this kitten, and I miss sharing these kinds of moments with her.  It has been such a joy to share in Karen’s love for cats, and bring Millie to our home as our first pet.

“Millie baby” is very playful, a social butterfly and has acclimated to our home so well.  The first night she was a little bit scared, and cried for a few hours.  As long as I was with her she was ok, but when I left she would start crying.  That was the only night she did that.

Who said cats were clean?  This one is a messy trickster!  I cleaned her box, swept up around, and as soon as I finished, she did this, again -

…three times I swept up, then I watched her the third time, as soon as I put the broom away she came running over to her liter box and did this and ran away, as if she were playing with me. I think she just likes to see me get the broom out!

She seems to be really happy with us and we, (meaning Keith) spoil her too much.  She loves to sit with me and watches me write, and she has to follow me where ever I go.  We just love her already!

My mom still has 4 sweet kittens in Wetumpka, AL, that need a good home, they are just adorable….call me if you are interested: 334.207.2297.

No. Instead we float.  Like Bubbles.  Our life  seems to glisten and shine floating individually, to the pattern and rhythm of our own beautiful micro-world.  Our safe space. The place where where we imagine nothing can happen to us, as long as we are floating.

Bubbles.

As I washed my dishes Friday afternoon, on my 31st birthday, having just returned from a week away to Virgina for my precious cousins funeral, I found myself pondering those vanishing bubbles in my sink.  Also, mulling over my afternoon spent making phone calls and getting quotes for “grown up stuff” a.k.a. life insurance, better vehicle coverage, medical insurance, etc.  I made a round of calls pursuing things I have avoided and never really gave a second thought to…until now.  Because life, for me, has seemed to exist as a series of moments, floating from one dance to the next.

Just like those bubbles disappearing in my sink, my perfectly pleasant bubble instantly burst on June 12th when I received news that my 33 year old cousin – a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a mother to two little children had tragically died in a climbing accident.  No one wants to believe it will ever happen to them or to their family.

I am guilty as charged for portraying the grotesque role of false empathy.  A pat on the back, a hug, a simple “I’m so sorry,” or “Ohhh, that’s tough.”  A card, an email, maybe even a prayer or two.  But secretly in my shiny bubble world, moving away as quickly as possible as to not interfere or collide into a world of pain or sorrow. Because it’s not my world and it’s not my problem, my heart is sadly relieved that it’s not me wearing their shoes.  And only moments later moving along and floating once again.

For years, I have boycotted the news.  I avoid hearing the tragic stories. My ignorance has been my bliss.  It’s been my safe place.  But I have now awakened to a realization during this season that as a Christian, that ignorance is not truely bliss.  It’s simply one of the nasty offspring’s of fear….denial.   My ignorance is unintentionally denial.  Living in fear, is not from the Lord, neither is living in denial.  I’m realizing this now, and principles from the Word are leaping from my heart as reminders of how I can move forward:

My confidence in this confession only comes from recent conversations of friends who share the bubble life with me.  We say it doesn’t matter that we don’t call each other during life’s trials and celebrations, because we “know” we love each  other.  Every year when I flip over the December calendar, I renew an age old promise that ‘this’ will be the year that I celebrate my friends and loved ones special days…but the calendar rolls on, and I continue to float.

Moving beyond this tragedy, time has been an epic enemy.  It’s like the further time moves beyond the moment of our loss, the more our life exists without our beloved. However, this challenge of passing time has given me a newness for living life beyond the floating bubble.  I’m learning to richly soak in each hug, to notice every tear and to embrace even the smallest of treasures, for they are fleeting and priceless.

My other cousin Syn-d, Karen’s sister, snapped this moment with her phone while we waited for our breakfast that summer morning in that little Destin diner.   ~   I never knew this would be our last trip together…our last few precious moments together. Our last laughs, our last goodbyes.  My heart was broken when my dad with trembling lip and tear filled eyes, clinging to my sorrowful mom, shared the tragic news with me that my precious cousin Karen had fallen while rock climbing in west Virginia. I have been told that she instantly went to be with the Lord, after her 60 ft. fall on June 12, 2010.

The news media reported the story on the local stations and in the papers.  Our family created a facebook group in her memory, with links to all of the articles and news report.  To her honor over 400 of her friends and family have joined and journaled their memories of how her life touched them in some way.

~

Last year, we spent a week at SanDestin Beach Resort with the cuzins and the kids on our traditional family vacation…

Moments that seemed so fleeting and non-momentous, even silly perhaps, are now precious stones of remembrance that my heart will embrace forever…

That week at the beach we celebrated Karen’s 33rd birthday on the June 23rd eating out @ her requested place…PF Chengs.

The day after we came home from the beach, June 25th was my 30th B’day.    Syn-D cooked my favorite tex mex meal that night at our grandma’s house, chicken fajitas, delicious homemade guacamole and salsa!

Karen and the kids went out that afternoon and surprised me with princess party decorations and princess bling! Elli was quick to pull me over to the table she had prepared with all the pink bling bling jewelry, which she so fashionably bejeweled me with.  She was so serious and sweet in those moments treating me on my birthday.

We all put a few rings on our fingers and played a fun round of pin the tail on the donkey. It was one grand party!

This particular shared birthday moment I  celebrated with my cousin Karen, I will now cherish forever.   We both opened presents and cards from the family that night after dinner.  And we caught a round of those infectious silly southern giggles with our pink bling during gift time!

I’m missing her more each passing day.  For some reason during the afternoon setting sun I think about her the most.  Thoughts abound of her family, her children, the life left behind, and her glorious new life in heaven – which most of all gives me hope.

My life will forever be marked from this point on, like a stone of remembrance, a book mark or pause that awakened my soul to a newness of celebrating small moments and insignificant pleasures…a phone call, a letter, a text or an email.  Our relationships and our love have greater meaning to me than ever before, they are more beautiful and special. They are now more worthy of celebration and worthy of experiencing.

My heart is stirred to a new level of comprehending as I embrace the true value of life and our moments together.   A piece of my  heart was torn apart as she was torn from earth that day.  But as my brother David so poignantly stated, “she may have fallen on earth, but she stood up in heaven.”

I watched Karen’s six year old daughter Ellianna, leave the funeral home after saying goodbye to her mommy.  She held her little best friends hand as they walked toward the car, her best friend sobbing and weeping over the understanding of loosing her “Auntie Karen.”   Sweet Elli, in the form and spirit of her mommy, took her friend by the hand, embraced her and whispered to her, “It’s going to be all right.” Those words pierced my heart as if Karen were holding my hand and speaking them herself. “It’s going to be all right.” I don’t know how, or when, but I know that’s what Karen would be saying right now if she could embrace us and show us the eternal glory.

I will miss my angel-cousin Karen, every part of her, she is so beautiful and I love her deeply.  This is one of the songs I had the privilege of singing at her memorial service.  The words truly reflected our heart to the Lord and her beautiful life.

*Please pray for Karen’s family (the Feher’s), her parents (the Esterlines), her sister, her brother and the community of friends and family that are grieving during this loss.

My recent juncture found me deep in thought over a single noun:  ”Ambassador.”

Ambassador.  The dictionary grips my heart and translates this moment best with part three and four, of it’s definition:

3. An authorized messenger or representative.
4. An unofficial representative, “an ambassador of goodwill.“

Many adjectives come to mind when I heard this word in my heart. “Brand” Ambassador - as mentioned on my favorite reality show, Celebrity Apprentice by the hunky chef Curtis Stone.

We even have “National Ambassadors” given to the heads of nations.

When my parents were growing up, their youth were called C.A’s for “Christ’s Ambassadors”. If they were here reading this article, they would be lifting their hands in the air with hippy movement, singing a song that sounds like “Kumbaya’s” cousin.

When I was growing up, my Strawberry Shortcake sleeping bag accompanied me each summer to “Camp Ambassador.” We didn’t have a special song, but we did sing and have a competition for ‘Camp Queen.’ And I humbly wore the “runner up” title to my friend, Haley “future Miss America contestant” Spates…who at age make-me-sick-seven could sing perfectly like Sandi Patti. Ahhh, not bitter, nope not one bit. (haha! Haley is a dear friend, even still today, which makes our memories even sweeter!) Our election speeches were given on the back of a big old camp bus, called “The Glory Land Express.” Mine went something like this, “Hi my name is Jennifer, I’m from cabin number seven, if you vote for me, you’ll go to Heaven.” The little preacher even in 5th grade – guess you can see why “Sandi” won the crown that summer!

So this idea. Ambassador. Pounding in my heart. I responded as usual. Scribbled the word out on a 3×5 index card and jabbed it to a bulletin board for some pondering. My thoughts immediately went to charity, evangelism, missions and discipleship, which I sub-jotted below the giant word with my fine tip sharpie. A month later I realize why this blog has been in “draft mode” since April 17th. God has been preparing me for something greater than my own human mind could surmise as a meaning for that simple index card. He has opened the door wide for me to become what I can only imagine to be the greatest type of ambassador possible, a “Prayer Ambassador.”

Three weeks ago today, on May 11th, a journey began for me that has truly “renewed a right spirit in me.”   The Lord simply asked me to launch a “call to prayer” and start a facebook group for a friend in my church who was having severe post childbirth complications, which developed into a blood disorder. She is still in the hospital. Her baby girl, who’s name is ‘Journey’ is out of the hospital doing wonderful! My friend however is still in need of a miracle. I was not sure who would join me in the prayer initiative, if any. Honestly, it felt like a crazy irrational, emotional idea but I pushed through that great wall of doubt and on Tuesday night at 7pm, the invitation opened and I sat hoping for “one or at least, God, please let there be two” who would join me! I literally started sweating and hoping for people to join me in this “if my people” type of cause. I’m super excited to say three weeks today, we have over two thousand who have joined our “little prayer group.” Look what God can do! Nothing less than a perfect miracle, and His amazing Glory working though us!

All God asks is for obedient hearts, and in return there are blessings beyond measure! We think we have to be the ones to bring the “measure” – but we are so wrong. We could NEVER accomplish His Measure! Not even if we tried. I have been overwhelmed by how much God can do with so little. What is the “little” that God is asking of you? The little whisper, the little thought? The one that seems so insignificant, that would surely be idiotic or crazy or worse…unimportant? Trust today my friend, that God is looking for those things…not our twelve hours of labor and sacrifice, he wants the small and insignificant things, so he can prove to us His Might, His Worth, and His Glory — through us.

I hear the Savior say, “Thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in Me thine all in all.”

Oh, praise the One who paid my debt, And raised this life up from the dead.

Lyric Credit: Copyright © 2006 worshiptogether.com Songs / sixsteps Music (ASCAP) / Admin. by EMI CMG Publishing

Recently the Lord has been allowing my heart to connect, with several sweet gals who are just plain going through it. You know what “it” is, don’t you? We’ve all seen it, and felt it a time or two. It’s that season in life that you never thought you would face. Or you thank God you are not facing any longer. It’s the scary season when everything is beating you down and you just don’t know what to do and you wonder if life will ever bring you out of this season. Somehow this is my season to not encounter “it” personally, but vicariously, through several others.

The Lord has graced me with a counseling word through his Holy Spirit for this influx of marital attacks. The first and foremost being,

1. Conquer the negative thoughts.

…get rid of the NOT TRUE beliefs.

In his fruitless attempt to damage marriage, here are a few “not true” thoughts that the enemy will use first to launch an attack in our mind:

–“My husband does not love me because of this….” = NOT TRUE

–“I would be better off if I had married….” = NOT TRUE

–“Divorce would be better than staying married.” = NOT TRUE

What can we do to conquer those negative thoughts? Be strong.  Be bold. Don’t let the enemy work in your mind and tell you lies.  Take authority over your situation, by first recognizing the lies.  “I would be better off without him.” NOT TRUE!!!  It’s hard to imagine this right now in the midst of turmoil, but there will be a moment down the road when you will be so in love again, you will have your arms around each other and wonder why you ever considered ending this beautiful relationship. The truth is the moment you became one, the honeymoon moments in marriage, the fun vacations together, those are the truth moments in your relationship. We have to live in those moments, even when things are tough, and somedays it will take work and effort to create those moments again in your mind. But listening to lies, will only produce living in lies. Learn to think the truth, so you can live in the truth.

Once you determine that you are listening to lies, the next thing is simply:

2. Replace lies (or untruths) with truth.

How can we activate TRUE thoughts? Start with the truest Word in the world, the Bible. Apply a real scripture for your situation. It’s not difficult. You only need to start with one, like Philippians 4:8,
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

You have to remind yourself, I mean, physically tell your mind that all of these things are not heart issues, they are head issues. You have to push past the fog of confusion to get to the root of the problem. If the situation were truly a heart issue, you would know it. However,
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding.”

Finally,

3. Let God fight your battles, not your flesh.

So many times, women (especially this one) think the best solution is the one we have to say. Again, Not True. When we learn to pray first, instead of talking (or debating) first, the outcome is monumentally better. I heard a great lady once say, “Take your mouth off of it.” Meaning, don’t try to fix it verbally. Verbally responding quickly turns into anger, strife, envy, gossip…ultimately regret.

Also, personally, I can tell you that if you commit to “not giving up” – no matter what, never, ever, ever spending the night apart, or leaving mad or going to sleep mad – that your marriage will be stronger.  It’s like “putting your face to the wind” and saying, “Ok, come on storm – show me what you got!  I’m not letting go, I’m not giving in. Bring it on.” You have to stop believing that “quitting” is the easy way.  It’s NOT. Let me just speak clearly and the truth here. Facing your problems, IS the road less traveled, but it offers the sweeter victory.

I believe the promise with you today ladies that you will live in peace and rest, and that God will grace your marriage with His never ending, passionately powerful, agape love.

____________________________________________
more on “the Spirit of Perspective” ~ “the prayer Perspective” and “the Spirit of Pursuit“

My favorite quiet place is usually sitting on the couch, reading the word, meditating on the word, and if there is a serious need or situating in life, then I will become the floor pacer prayer warrior. That’s where I find I can enter into the place of intercession, as if on the threshing floor, pressing through, pushing back and entering in. I will find myself on my knees or occasionally on my face during that type of prayer. But these moments are not routine. They don’t happen everyday. My daily love talks are where I most like to pray about everyday life. On a walk, or driving down the road, these love talks are as if I’m just in a simple conversation with my closest friend. I just talk to Jesus in my heart, or out loud. These are the times I usually have my personal pity parties and let God how I think he should work things out. It’s also the place I can feel him most guiding me and gently explaining that His plan IS the best.

The “Stepping Up” mandate to “find my place, on my face” daily was not, I confess, something I looked forward to committing to. It seemed so liturgical and planned and routine, coming from a pentecostal, free worship style upbringing. It’s by far not a traditional way of prayer in my church. Growing up, we would sometimes “kneel” at the altar, maybe stand and pray, and we most definitely would have our hands raised!

During summer visits I remember my grandparents making all of the grandkids kneel on the floor with our faces on the couch to pray every night before bed. My mom and dad would always tuck us in bed, and we would say our prayers. But laying on the floor, face down to the carpet, was a new thing for me.

Let me tell you…it has completely changed my prayer life, and my day. I actually feel like my day is getting started when I find that time on the floor. I feel like I’m truly putting God first, and my heart is more free in this “commitment” than it ever was with the random, spontaneous “freedom” of praying whenever. To me it seems like such a small, simple gesture. Just a few moments or minutes? It’s not even long enough for a deeply serious conversation. But it’s a gesture! I feel like it’s my “Daniel” time – when I go lay on my cute brown blanket below my favorite window looking out into the world where I live. Just a little commitment, a small gesture, the bible tells us clearly can do so much! And, in just the past 10 days, it has indeed revolutionized my heart, and my walk with Christ.

I can’t explain how God can do so much, giving strength for the day in a mere three minutes, but He does. If you are looking to “Step it Up” like I was, try stepping down, and even laying down like I have. I promise you won’t regret~

This is my prayer….